The Dreamer

I have had prophetic dreams since I was twelve years old. My mom would learn of my first dream when I wrote an essay about it in my English class. I was so excited that I got an ‘A’ on my paper that I came straight home from school and showed it to her. My mom would witness an incident one year later, to the day and hour of its fulfillment. The only person in my family who knew of my gifting was my mother.

I was only twelve years old, yet, neither my mom or myself had a personal relationship with God, meaning; we were not born again, as yet, and only went to church on holidays or baptisms. We were of the Greek Orthodox faith.

As a compliant child I was left to myself a lot. I was so hungry for my mother’s love and attention during my growing up years, thus, I spent my entire life trying to please my mom in hopes that she would spend time with me. Parents sometimes make the mistake by neglecting their compliant children because all their time is spent keeping an eye on the rebellious, strong-willed child. In our family that was my brother Jim.

The slightest disapproval from my mom would cause me to feel an unhealthy form of shame, and that is how the cycle to please others became a part of every relationship as an adult, including, with my superior’s in the ministry. If I had a different view or opinion of things I would never express it, fearing any kind of disapproval.

After some bad choices during my rebellious year as a Senior in High School and the year following, I came to the end of myself. I would call out to God and He heard me and set my feet on solid ground. My mom and I got saved in the same year and we began to have a true relationship from that time forward. In His faithfulness, God would restore what the locus had eaten in my childhood years.

God would give my mom a dream about me; I was helping birth new born baby lambs. At the age of 30, I would enter into full time ministry as the Director of a women’s rehab/shelter called Manna Home. It was part of the Rescue Mission in my home town. God would give me such a heart for hurting women. All that pain I felt as a child from being neglected, along with the struggles I would bare, some from my own bad choices, and some from others bad choices, I would have a sensitivity and understanding to other hurting women, especially, those of low self esteem. Thus, came the fulfillment of my mothers dream as I helped to bring new born babes into the saving grace of His kingdom. I would see and experience hundreds of miracles during my time in ministry, and my mom became my greatest supporter.

I would serve in the ministry for 15 years with a few years break in between in order to finish raising my one and only daughter. After she left home I was led to go into YWAM, Youth with a Mission. While there I would have a visitation in my bunk room. I heard an audible voice say; “you will be Directing Manna Home again.” I laughed.

“Sahara laughed,” said the voice. Realizing that I was truly having a visitation from on high, I responded, “I am listening Lord.” The voice would say, “You WILL be directing Manna Home again, and Phyllis will be your assistant.” Phyllis was a prostitute of one of the inmates in San Quentin prison. A Chaplin had called me up looking if we had any room for her. She came to Manna Home where she would get saved, and later a couple from my church took her in. To this day she serves the Lord.

I had six more months to do with YWAM, including, doing a two month outreach to Jamaica. When I returned home I would visit a good friend of my mothers. She also was one of my greatest supporters and second mom to me. Upon telling her that God was calling me back to Manna Home, she would say, ‘that is your niche Ginger!’ And that it was.

Those years in full time ministry would be the greatest adventures in my life. I have seen miracles after miracles of God’s saving grace, His faithfulness, and His love and mercy for the poor.

Director of Manna Home Age 30

In my mid-fifties and no longer in ministry, God was going to draw a line in the sand with my own family. Myself and my brothers were going to be tested. God was going to cause this timid, silent one to speak up to those family members who indulged in sinful behavior all their lives. Those family members whose pride and arrogance would bring disgrace to the family. The unfaithful are trapped by evil desires. They would in the end be brought down by their own wickedness. Proverbs 11:2, 5.

Like Pharaoh in Exodus 14, the Lord would harden the hearts of my two brothers, and they would pursue me in order to destroy me; not in body, but to destroy me in spirit and to break me until I would submit and comply to all their evil doings; to become their slave. Doing only what they desired.

I could no longer compromise my convictions pertaining to what is acceptable and not acceptable behavior from family members. Like Jesus, I would suffer greatly at the hands of my brothers. Their corrupt hearts were being exposed and though I wanted to believe my brothers had goodwill somewhere down in them, and though I longed for reconciliation, by 2010 all hope of that happening was gone and just like the scripture says, hope deferred makes the heart sick. My mom would die of a broken spirit because of her sons wickedness to her. Their onslaught of continual attacks occurred during the same time I was fighting my 6 year battle with cancer. Needless to say, I didn’t come out on the other end the same. I was now weaker in my body, and any hope for my family being restored was gone.

Suffering is not always associated with sin; God often sovereignly uses it to test and teach us. Like Job, I struggled with this basic question, “Why do the righteous suffer if God is loving and all-powerful?” Suffering itself is not the central theme in the book of Job; rather, the focus is on what Job was learning from his suffering; the sovereignty of God over all creation.

My articles here in Signs and Wonders are in regards to whether God would allow suffering to happen to a person who is innocent? Like Job’s friends, I would encounter oversimplified solutions offered by Christians that were simply inadequate. Job’s conclusion was that God is sovereign and worthy of worship in whatever He chooses to do. The book of Job, Proverbs, and the Psalms, were the only books in the Bible that I could read during this 10 year period of suffering. I chose to trust in the goodness and power of God in adversity. Like Job, I once again became dependent on His grace and His grace alone, as He gives a voice to the voiceless.

Bearing my cross once again, a journey I started some fifty years ago; a journey of desire for true godliness will now begin within the family I was born into. I fight for true godliness within myself, godliness that brings contentment. Godliness is great spiritual gain because it keeps us from the temptations caused by covetousness, a sin my brothers have yet to overcome in themselves. To be content we must keep our values in right order. And that is what I strive for. That is fighting the good fight.

Up until my second and then third diagnosis of cancer at the age of 55 and 59, I enjoyed activities, such as; downhill skiing, camping, and was a huge backpacking enthusiast. I loved pretty much anything outdoors, including, fishing. No longer able to enjoy most of those activities, my life at that time of persecution from my brothers would be filled with an abundance of time and laughter spent with my three granddaughters, usually at a ball field. All of my grandchildren played in travel ball sports, and my oldest went on to be the catcher for the girls softball team at San Francisco State University (photo below). Also during those years I had been quite active serving my small Senior community where I lived in Santa Rosa, CA. I organized and coordinated three major events a year, our annual garage block sale called ‘The Village’, our Thanksgiving Gala, and our Christmas Event. I stepped down in 2016.

On July 4, 2017, 3 years after my mom’s passing, I would move into my inherited home on our family farm. Four years later, in 2021, my brothers would lose our family farm of 68 years. A farm that was free and clear to us only ten years prior. The only thing one ever needed to pay was the annual land taxes.

With the loss of the farm, the Lord would say to me as He said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you. And so, like Abraham, God would direct me at the age of 71 to leave all that I know, my people, our family farm that I grew up on in northern Calif., and go to a land He would show me. This story is yet to be written, but can be told in person. Catch me if you can!

For His mercy endures forever and ever,

Virginia Fife

(aka; Ginger, Ginny, Dancer, Dreamer)